How to Deal with Millennials
We thought this post from Old Fart Consulting was pretty funny! We all know how smart the Millennials are and how much they have helped shape the world we live in today. But they can still be little snots sometimes. Here’s what Old Fart Consulting had to say:
Chances are there are people born after 1986 working in your office. Young, energetic, optimistic, outgoing people. Some call them “millennials.” They’ve just graduated from college, and they think they know it all – the computers, the software, the smartphones and iPads. They’re good to hire because your company can pay them next to nothing; they don’t care, they live on peanut butter and Schlitz (or whatever the kids are drinking these days). And they’re not intimidated by the term “social media.” Appreciating them stops there, though. They’re annoying. And if you follow our handy tips, you should be able to avoid contact with them at all costs.
1) You’ve probably had longer marriages than these kiddos have been alive, so make it a point to talk about things from days past. Ask them about the most recent Fats Domino record, or try to spark a discussion about how Chaplin’s film ‘Monsieur Verdoux’ obviously had a tough act to follow. Or ask, “That Ann Margaret really was something, huh?”
2) Be sure to remind them that they’re lucky to have the Internet. Back in your day there weren’t even computers. Things had to be written by hand, calculations had to be done on paper, and there was no Twizzer or Faceplace or Wahoo websites. People spoke to each other face to face or wrote a letter, and if you wanted to get a call from someone you had to sit at home. Be sure to discuss this at length during their first week.
3) Stock up on baby diapers in the supply room, with the note, “[their name] – just in case.”
4) Buy all of the young people in your office booster chairs for their desks. Feign genuine concern for their comfort and accessibility.
5) Eat as many onions as possible right before you have a conversation with a millennial. The more you smell like onions, the better. Every time you open your mouth, the smell should permeate the entire room. This can also create flatulence which you can use to your advantage: with no additional effort you can establish an onion-fart barrier around your office door for extra protection.